I have been waiting for peace and quiet since before the chaos of Christmas began and today it is here. While I absolutely love Christmas it just took so much energy this year to think, plan, and make it happen. I decided that I would do what I felt like I could do and that was ok. That kinda makes it sound like I am really struggling but in all honestly I’m doing ok. I am surrounded by amazing people and as I have said before I always go back to the good. That may be in part because I can clearly see the rabbit hole I could be sucked down if I open the negative thoughts. So, today, I will write what I have thought so many times during the last month or so. In choosing to remember the good and be grateful there are always a list of things that come to mind….
I am thankful that while 17 years is a short life that we were given that time with Robbie and in those 17 years he made sooo many friends and was able to share his humor with so many people. I love that so many people continue to reach out with stories and experiences they have had with Rob. We made so many memories not just with Rob’s racing but just having fun. It could just have been sitting around or a very competitive game of slip n slide kickball but we were all in. It is ironic that when you are in the moment you have no idea how much you will cherish the memory later in life.
I am thankful that before he passed he was able to experience a love that many adults never experience, that it was unwavering, unconditional, and a forever love. I’m thankful that along w the love of his life Ky’s fam took Rob in and loved him just like he was her brother - there’s a great inside joke to the brother part, ha! Robbie found it quite funny to tell people that Ky was his sister to embarrass her. This included people in public, people they didn’t know, and I am sure just some random stranger at some point….and he probably had a hand full of her butt when he said it. It was never dull with him around.
I am thankful that Robbie got back on a bike in 2019 and was able to ride most of the season and as much as he could this year. Even though he only put a few hours on his 2021 I’m thankful he got to do it. At first, I had a lot of emotions around why he wasn’t able to put more time on his bike but after a lot of thought I decided that I could be upset or mad or I could choose to see the good in the opportunity he had in putting some time on it. I’m thankful that he was so in that he was going to chase Loretta’s again in 2021.
And probably most of all I am grateful that the night before we lost Rob we were able to be together w all the boys for dinner. Even if we had to make special stuffed shells for Ky bc she doesn’t do red sauce. I was able to wrap my arms around him and love him because we had all gathered for some grub (thank god Tim is always cooking). Ironically, as he and Ky left that night I said be careful three times and even thought to myself damn that was a little extra Jes. It’s amazing the small miracles we experience when we look back. I hope you all can see those even on the worst days.
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