January 21...tomorrow January 22

I've missed Rob a lot this week, his laugh, and his funny jokes, and his calls that always started with What up Ma? Where we riding this week? I cry less now but I still cry when my heart hurts. Some days it just still doesn't seem real that he is gone. I have a student in my class that I often think - that is what Robbie would doing if he were in a college. It makes me laugh and the kids are all probably wondering why but I keep that close to my heart. There are times that more times that passes the less I will have a presence of Rob in my life but then I remember that I get to choose to have his a present as I want or need. When I am skeptical something always shows up...in the music, in the sun or moon, a 22 here or a 22 there. I will say the one relief that time has given me is that a Saturday night doesn't always have me thinking that X weeks or months ago was the last time I squeezed my Fro Baby, a Sunday is the marker of the day Rob took his last breath, the 22nd is not the dreaded day that we mark one more month since we lost Rob. The days seem to pass a little easier and I am not as shackled to how those moments that were in my face reminders of how we now physical live without Rob. If I am completely honest if I didn't just look at the date as I began to write I would not have known tomorrow was the 22nd. At some point tomorrow, it would have occurred to me and I probably would have flipped through my camera roll to see my Robbie pics and videos. Some days is my scrolling I only laugh and the tears don't come as easily. On those days I am consumed by being grateful that I had 17 years to share with him. I know I say that often, it is one of the things that is so important in my own grief.